Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Chick Dissection: Who Cares?

Being as Jabberwock and now Jr. dissect Chick Tracts, I decided that I would try doing one, just for fun. I decided to mock a tract about some Muslims living somewhere in what looks like the South after 9/11. It's called Who Cares? and the front cover just gives the complete wrong idea.

Link: All images copyright Jack T. Chick 2002.

They're in the middle of nowhere? Two tower looking things...floating in mid-air? What's up with that? And where the hell is the rest of the damned skyline? From the looks of it the plane has a laser beam, but for some reason it fired it behind the two levitating tower-looking things. With laser destructive power, why fly the plane into the building?

Yeh, WHO CARES? Who cares that people flew some damn planes into some buildings? Them buildings just totally wrecked the fabulous view ANYWAY!

I dunno, the smoke in this panel just doesn't look that convincing. Why the hell do the towers look 2D? LIVE on Completely Nondescript News Network, smoke comes down to engulf some middle-of-nowhere blocks!

"What happens if they're Muslims? The kind of people that read these tracts will all hate us as they think all Muslims are the same!"

What the hell sort of an angle is that meant to be? The smoke has a voice. OBEY THE SMOKE. "I'm afraid of what will happen, because some of those Christian fundamentalist types think Muslim equals terrorist!"

Who is that on the television? Is it meant to be God with a really big beard or something? In that case, God, I'm not so keen on the new look. I preferred faceless God.
She goes from creepily wide eyed to creepily slitty-eyed in the space of just one panel. Good work, Chick.
Hang on...I've just realised he's a grown man with a job still living with his mother. Why is that?

"He's one of them thar Muzzies, maw!" "Shame on you, you terror-lovin' towelhead!" [/redneckdeepsouthfundie]

His mother is obviously psychic who saw the potential evils in a vision from Allah or something. Either that, or the plot's a bit too convenient. And beating him up in a shop just seems like a bad idea. Shops...have CCTV cameras. Morons.
"Batteries"? Why batteries?...odd. Maybe it's a joke: the guy needs batteries and there's been a crime that could be described as assault and battery...haw haw. You're just too clever, Jack. And his speech is so contrived here. "I've got to get some batteries...look, JUST AS I SAY THAT a place where I can buy them comes into view!" Maybe he has the psychic power of Allah as well...
Remember kids, it's bad to beat up Muslims, but it's alright to beat up homos a la that homo in Wounded Children.
[soapbox] I assume the people who beat him up are meant to be villains. Well, the thing is the fundamentalists are opposing the Matthew Shepard Act/H.R. 1592 because it supposedly "takes away their right to beliefs and values".[/soapbox]

Why the hell did he pick him up and try to help him there? Surely, anyone with any kind of sense would, y'know, call an ambulance or something.
Ah, this guy definitely has the psychic power of Allah! He can tell which people are infidels just by looking at them! ALLAH AHKBAR!!
"Real Christians wouldn't let the Jews get away with corrupting society and the Aryan race!" said Adolf Hitler. Sorry. but he does look a bit like Hitler.

Cos obviously no Muslims ever have compassion or anything. "A true prophet cannot LIE." I see where this is going. "And Jesus said he was God and he cannot lie. Haw haw. I win."

The guy nearly died, and now he's being driven somewhere happy as larry? Wouldn't he stay in hospital for a while first? Gah.
Cos Muslims address people by their full names. EVERYONE knows that.

You know what the Modern Version of The Good Samaritan parable would look like, fundie types? It would look like this:

One day, a poor young man was beaten by some thugs and left for dead somewhere. Pat Robertson walks by, thinking, "I could help him, but nah, I gotta get to the studio to do the 700 Club." A while later, Jim Dobson walks by, deciding, " I'm not gonna help this young man. I got America's family values to reclaim!" Next, a hated gay activist and atheist walks past and decides to call an ambulance to get this poor man to hospital, and remains by his bedside until he regains consciousness.

And yet Chick appears to believe that if you commit a murder but repent, you get to heaven, but if you dedicate your lives to helping poor people in Africa but don't accept Christ you get an eternity in hell, a la Flight 144.

Dude, this guy is setting up a false dichotomy. Either Jesus lied about being God, in which case Islam is false as it says prophets don't lie, or Jesus was telling the truth and Islam is thus false. Cos people attributing words to him that he never said is impossible.

"Might believe ON him?" The blond guy looks a bit like he's thinking, "I couldn't see before but now I can see you, YOU'RE HOT!"

And he got ready to suck the other guy off by getting down on his knees.
"God(Not Allah)" My skyfairy is better than your skyfairy!!

"God's Love Gift" sounds a little creepy to say the least. God's into sadomasochism, ain't he?
"He doesn't, Omar. But I do." *Censored panel with kissing scene*

How does rising from the dead prove you are God? Are people who are resuscitated using CPR also God?

What's with the silhouettes? They are just totally random and contribute nothing to the plotline at all.
My paradise is better than your paradise! I dunno about that claim really. Islam's paradise at least has some sex going on, 72 virgins and all that.
HIS HEAD IS SQUARE! It's like they crossed Hitler with Kryten from Red Dwarf or something...
The "Allah doesn't care about any Muslim" bit implies that Allah is real, just that he couldn't give a crap.
Despite the fact the fundie provided absolutely no evidence for his beliefs, the guy went ahead and believed anyway. Like you do.
He went home and told him mother he'd become a Christian. Then she went wide-eyed like in the first panel.

BibleGod didn't show you what he thought of Islam. Last time I checked the Bible was written BEFORE the Qu'ran. Not unless Chick has some serious delusions of grandeur, and thinks he's God or something.
Read your Bible (KJV) --Because ALL other versions are translated by sodomites!!! Wait a minute...

There you have it, folks. How to use 9/11 as a plot device.


Jr. said...

Haha! One of us! One of us!

Well done.

Lith said...

It really was rather fun :)

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